i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
