I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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