And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
