i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
