My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
