My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize