I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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