In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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