so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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