i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
