i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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