I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
