There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
