so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
