there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you would pick up someone in the library
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
