That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
