I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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