im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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