Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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