I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
