Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
