Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
