My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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