never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
