I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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