Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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