If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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