if you like me you must not know who I am
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
