I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
