and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Even my vagina gasped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
