haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
