Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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