best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
