Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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