I feel like abortions should bother me more
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
