i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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