I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
