What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
