When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
