i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
