I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
