Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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