sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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