What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
