I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
