you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
