sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
