we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
