After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
