Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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