We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
