dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
