so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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