you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
