You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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