Im at strip club and am horny
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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