Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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