Screwed.edu
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
