Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
