I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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