im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
