We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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