WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
