You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
