if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize