this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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