Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
