You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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