You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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