i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
