did you get engaged???
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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