are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
