I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
