I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
