Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
