I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My pussy is not your playground.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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