I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
