Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
